spilling my guts....

by Wanted Photography

So, my secret is finally out!  I cannot tell you how hard it was to keep that to myself.  And yet, when it came time to spill my guts, it was kinda scary.  I mean, there are so many things with pregnancy that can be sort of frightening.  I think that's especially heightened when it's taken as long to get there as it did for us, and it's gotta be more so with your first.  It's been quite hard for me to wrap my brain around it.  Is there really something in there?  I mean, I know I'm nauseous all the time, could sleep for days, and gag every single time I brush my teeth, but is something really happening?  Ha!

And now, here it comes.  I hate the thought of having to put a disclaimer on my big announcement, but I feel it needs to be addressed.  {Lindsey wrote a great post on this subject after she announced her pregnancy, and I knew that one day I'd do the same.}

I hope it's not the case, but yet I know that there is a great possibility that someone out there reading this is experiencing that pang in their heart because yet another person is announcing a pregnancy.  I know that pang all too well.  I know what it feels like to think that everyone else in the world seems to be pregnant, and yet, you wait.  In fact, when Lindsey announced her pregnancy, I cried.  Not because I didn't want that joy for her, but because my heart ached for my own big announcement.  The next day she acknowledged that with the post linked above, and that meant alot to me.  It gave me hope, and reminded me that I wasn't alone, and that other people out there understood.

It took me a really long time to be able to allow myself to feel the feelings that come with infertility without feeling guilty.  It was something I struggled with for years.  In the end I realized that the feelings I was having were perfectly normal, and what any person would be feeling in my circumstances.

If you are struggling, I would encourage you to seek out help.  Find a doctor you trust, and go for it.  If your doctor's not giving you the feeling that they're doing everything they can, and answering your questions, or is making you feel stupid, find a different one.  {If you're in KC, I can give you a fabulous recommendation of who to go to...and for that matter, who NOT to go to. Just ask.}  It's not easy, but it's so worth it.  Above all, know you're not alone, and don't give up.  I'm always here for all of you.

Okay, that being said, I'm so excited to be back to blogging!  Truth be told, I sort of gave up on it for a while because all the things I wanted to talk about....I couldn't!  I hope you all with go on this journey with me.  I'm super excited!

Happy Monday!

What did you do this weekend?  


I laid around all day Saturday, interspersed with cleaning and feeling sick.  Then finished up the cleaning yesterday and had our small group over last night.  Always great to spend time with those peeps.  I love the bonus of hosting, is that our house is CLEAN!  I've been super duper lazy about cleaning for oh, I don't know about the last 11 weeks or so.  ;)  We've GOT to figure out how to maintain now.  Clean houses just feel good.