Life...

                            Source: lanipauli.tumblr.com via jennifer on Pinterest

Since my half marathon, I've been thinking alot about life. I've been trying to embrace more moments, choose happiness, and dream about the future.   I've been evaluating what's really important, and figuring out how to live for those things instead of the things that don't really matter at all.

I'm learning to embrace some of the things that scare me.  I'm learning that it's okay to be a little scared, and that sometimes that just means I'm really living.  Stepping outside my comfort zone is a good thing.  In all actuality, the thing that scares me more than anything is picturing myself as an old woman, looking back over my life and thinking, "what if I hadn't been so scared."  That's what really scares me. 

This all became even more clear yesterday, when I learned of the passing of one of my blog friends. It's so surreal to me. Just like that.

This life is short, my friends. Love the people you love well, and step out of your comfort zone from time to time.

What are you most afraid of?

Other than the real important things, I'm terrified of ostriches, space and public speaking.

7 Things I learned from Running a Half Marathon...

        Source: ourtimetochange.tumblr.com via jennifer on Pinterest

1. A positive attitude makes all the difference in the world.   I tend toward pessimism, but staying positive is a magical thing.  It certainly makes things more fun! 

2. I really can do anything I set my mind to. {cliche, I know}  If you had told me 5 years ago that I'd run a half marathon, I would have laughed in your face!  I hated running!  2 years ago, I would have said, maybe.  In January, I was saying...I think I'll try.  Two weeks ago, I thought, I can't do this.  But then, I just decided to do it.  Nike style. 

3. It may not be easy, but it's worth it.  {whatever it is} Really, what in life worth having is easy to get?  The best things take work.  I think God designed it that way on purpose so we won't take things for granted.

4. Things are easier than I think they'll be.  In complete contrast to #3, things just aren't that complicated.  I have a tendency to make things waaay more difficult than they need to be.  I need to stop taking myself so seriously.

5. I'm just as deserving as the next gal.  Why not me?  I've spent alot of my life feeling like "I'm not the kind of person that gets that." Pshhhh, why not!?

6. Sometimes you just have to keep running.  It might be all you can do to keep forward motion, but you just have to dig deep and find it.

7.  Loosening my kung fu grip on life is a good thing.  I should do that more.  Not everything needs to be within my control.  As a matter of fact, very few things are.  The only thing firmly within my grasp is how I react.  {see #1}  God will take care of the rest.  He always has.

I feel like I learned so much through the process of training and running my race on Saturday.  I really wanted to make a record of the lessons I learned.  I'm already finding ways to apply them to other areas of my life.  I promise, I won't keep rambling about it, but I need to cement them somewhere so I don't ever forget them.

Thank you all so much for your support!  I am so grateful for my blog friends.  It blows my mind how modern technology has allowed for friendships to blossom across the globe.  You guys are awesome, and I'm so glad to know you.  

p.s. The above image was one of many mantras that helped me get through the race.  That, and this one. 

Choices...

                                                 Source: lottaagaton.blogspot.com via jennifer on Pinterest

I had a sort of revelation while watching the Biggest Loser last night.  {I know, lame, but bear with me.}

The only difference between active, fit people and couch potatoes is that the active people decided to get up and do it.   Sounds simple enough, right?

It's no secret that I've struggled with maintaining my weight and living an active lifestyle.  I've always thought "fit" people were somehow different than me.  They must have super powers or something.  They're just built different than I am.  They're born that way, more "talented" in the work out department.  But that's crap!  I'm not saying that there aren't people born with athletic gifts, because there clearly are, but the majority of people are just people.  The only difference is that one group says "I wish" and the other group says "I will".

I've decided I'm going to start choosing to be fit.  I've been running again since the new year, and it's amazing to me how fast it gets easier.  I'm not gonna lie, the first few weeks are brutal, but then, it just gets easier.  Fun actually.

But, I still struggle to drag myself out of bed in the morning.  This morning though, when that alarm started going off, I started saying my new mantra in my head.  Choose it, Jen.  Choose to get up.  Guess what?  It worked.  I got up and busted out my 3 miles, faster than ever.

I wonder what else I could choose to do?

Have you ever chosen to do something you never thought you could do?  Did it work?

p.s. Today is the last day to enter the Elliven giveaway!  This seriously is such a great prize, you guys.  If you haven't entered to win yet, you're missing out!

Big things...

                               Source: tinywhitedaisies.tumblr.com via jennifer on Pinterest

I have no randomness for you today, and no bicycle pictures.  This week has been busy....really busy!  We've experienced quite the little boom in Etsy sales, and for that I am most grateful.  Also, I'll be debuting a new product this weekend...stay tuned!

This week also brought with it big decisions to be made.  Like, really big decisions.  We're talking the kind of decisions you don't broadcast over the internet.  My mind is trying to sort it all out, and I feel myself retreating.  All I want right now is to lock myself away somewhere with my husband to talk and dream.  Someday, maybe I can share these things here, but not yet.  I hope you understand.

It seems somehow cruel to tease you like that.  I suppose I could have just not said anything at all here on the blog, but I wanted to document this nonetheless.  Just know that we've come up against something that is going to require alot of contemplation and prayer.

If you're the praying kind, we'd love it if you'd ask God to guide us.   We're waiting for Him to impress upon our hearts the right decision.  Our trust is in Him. 

I hope you all had a wonderful week, and that you have great plans for renewal this weekend.  If you haven't entered this week's giveaway, you really must check it out.  Elliven is a great little Etsy shop, that I truly believe is destined for great things.

Opening up...

                                                     Source: downandoutchic.blogspot.com via jennifer on Pinterest

I've been working lately on opening up to people.  So much of the time, I try to put up a front of "everything's okay, nothing bothers me, it's all great".

Well, sometimes it's not.

I realized recently, that's what friends {and family} are for.  God gave us friendships so that we can help bear eachothers burdens.  

I think we, women especially, put a whole lot of pressure on ourselves.  We don't want anyone to think we don't have our stuff together.  We can't imagine that anyone else has doubts like we do.  Surely, no one fights with their mothers like we do, or snaps at their husbands for no real reason.  But the thing I realized is that we all do.

I am absolutely against "venting".  I think it leads to a vicious cycle of negative energy and only makes things worse, because inevitably your well-meaning friends take your side and fuel the fire that may or may not be justified.  {I'm not saying I never vent, but I try not to.}   However, I think sharing can be quite powerful.  I want my friends to know that I'm always here for them, and I'm guessing they want the same.

I struggle with worrying that opening up will make me look like a big-old-whiny-pants.  I hate the thought of being that person who is always "woe is me".  I'm hoping that as long as I'm genuine, and that I reciprocate, that it will be a good thing.

So, lately I've been allowing myself to share things that I probably would have kept to myself before.  It makes me feel vulnerable, but at the same time, I'm finding that my friends really are as great as I thought they were.  I have some really amazing people in my life.

I'd encourage you, if you don't already, to allow your friends to lift you up when you need it.  Sounds simple, but sometimes it's hard.   Oh, and tell your friends how much they mean to you.  Sometimes just knowing that you're appreciated can make all the difference in the world!  If there's someone who's been a great friend to you, tell them how much they mean to you! 

Do you struggle with opening up to people?  

I'd also like to say, that I absolutely adore the blogging community, and have "met" so many wonderful people through it.  While I don't share everything online, you guys still lift me up every day.  Thank you!   That being said, if you don't have someone "in real life" to talk to, or even if you do but you still need an ear,  I'm always here for you guys!  Email me, we'll chat! 

Keepin' it Real with Grizzly Jen...

via jennifer davis on Pinterest

So, the other night my mom and I had a long conversation about when the crazies hit.

Now, this is a topic that I think most women have a hard time talking about.  We all want to pretend that we have it all together, and we'd never say a mean word to our husbands, or anyone else for that matter.  Of course, we're all striving for that.  However, I've found that if we're honest with ourselves, we all have moments where the crazies take over.

I know I do.  I will be perfectly fine, and then my husband will innocently say something, even answer a question that I asked, and all of a sudden it's like a switch goes off in my head and I'm a raging lunitic!  I could literally rip my poor husband's head off, and he really didn't do anything wrong.  Most of the time I know I'm acting like a crazy person, but I'm just so mad!  I suppose you could blame this on hormones, and perhaps that is the cause after all.

I'm learning that I need to walk away when the crazies hit.  Ignore them.  They will take me no where good.  The only place they take me is to a cold, dark, self loathing,  life sucks, I'm a horrible person who doesn't deserve any love kind of place.

In a non-crazy state, I can recognize it as such.  Crazy.  Of course live doesn't suck.  I'm a good person, a good wife, and a good friend.  I deserve love, and am loved not only by those around me, but most importantly by God. 

Even as I write this I start worrying, what if no one understands?  What if I really am crazy?  Well, I'm putting it out there anyway, because I think it's important for women to understand that they aren't alone in this.  We all have our moments.  It doesn't make us bad people.  That being said, we do need to learn to control it.  Especially when you have a sweet and helpful husband like mine.  {Jon really will do anything I ask of him.  I just have to be willing to ask!}  For me, it means walking away.  Five minutes can change everything. 

So, what's the verdict?  Am I crazy?  Do you experience this, or does your wife?  How do you cope with the crazies?

Happy heart....

via jennifer davis on Pinterest

My heart is full of happiness this Monday morning.

I've been struggling a bit as of late, with feelings of frustration, bordering on self pity.  I've been fighting it off best I can, but it creeps in.  I'm ashamed to admit that, because with a clear head and enough sleep, I know I have more than I could ever ask for, and I'm so thankful.

Let me tell you, this weekend did me good.

It started off on an emotional note,  but I saw more love and family, more excitement and pure happiness this weekend then I've seen in a while.  I'm not sure I can even express any more than that on this blog today.

I hope all of you were refilled and refreshed this weekend, as I was!

To those of you, my family and friends, who let me experience your joy this weekend, {you know who you are}  I thank you.  From the bottom of my heart. 

And now, back to your program...

Hi guys!  So happy to be back up and running!  {I would have been back this morning, but blogger was out of service!  oh the horror!}

I'll keep it brief and let you know that I'm feeling like a whole new Jen.  After handing my woes over to God,  I can honestly say that I have felt a shift inside me.  I've had this peace, and with it, a whole new laid back side of me is coming out!  I cannot tell you how good it feels!   

Since I'm feeling more relaxed these days, I may not do my Friday to-do lists anymore {at least for a while}.  I'm looking forward to just living, and while I will of course still have to be productive, right now I'm focussing on slowing down and enjoying life, and that means not putting so much pressure on myself!  I feel like this is a really good thing!

I'm excited to share some things with you all this week.  My day job is totally insane crazy busy right now, so if I'm a little sporadic,  that's why.

And now for a little fun!  I found the link to this project by Music Philosophy

 on Lake Jane last week, and was instantly smitten:

Aren't they fantastic!?  I love how they highlight such uplifting lyrics, and the typography makes the graphic designer in me happy.  ;)

oh, and for those of you lucky enough to own an iphone, they can be downloaded as desktop wallpaper!

Reset button...

First of all, thank you so much for all of the encouraging words.  This blog world is such a magical place.  Really, I mean, where else can you find such good peeps from all over the world!?  I just want you to know how much each and every one of you means to me.  You make me feel like what I have to say matters and that I'm not alone.  Thank you!  

After a lot of talks, a lot of soul searching and a lot of prayers, I'm feeling much better.  I decided to hand it to God, and I actually felt him take it.  I realize that will probably sound hokey to some of you, but I actually felt it leave me.  It's gone, and I don't have that hole in my heart that I did last week.  I feel like that space has opened up, and now I can fill it with all good things!  

I realized that alot of my issues come from being a perfectionist {who, me?} and living under the assumption that I can control things.  I also bottle things up, and I'm not going to do that anymore.  I'm going to learn to deal with things as they happen and be okay with things not being perfect.  Cause really, life is perfectly imperfect, and I'm just along for the ride.  I'm going to slow down and enjoy it!  

I'll stop ranting now!  Hope you all had a glorious weekend, and are refreshed and ready to go again!  ;)  

{photo credit:  squeakypeach4}

Loving myself...

                                                                         -William Sloane Coffin

No list this week.

My heart is heavy this morning.  I had a fight with my mother.  The kind of fight where things you've been holding on to for a long time come spilling out and splatter all over your world and you're left to clean up the mess.  

I guess you could say that mothers and daughters do this.  I agree to an extent, but this runs a little deeper than that.  I've been holding on to things for a long, long time.  I do my best to forgive and forget, but I'm internalizing alot, and I'm coming to a point in my life where I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to change. 

I want to know that everything doesn't have to be perfect.  That the world won't unravel if I don't keep a tight grip on it.  That there is such a thing as freedom from the past.  I want to live.  I want to banish worry from my world and relax in the comfort that God is in control...not me.

I'm hoping that this can be the beginning of something new and better.  For as long as I can remember, I've been trying to fix things, things that aren't mine to fix.  The scars run deep, and it hurts, but I know that I have to let go.  I have to, before it seeps in and destroys me, and my marriage and everything that I hold dear. 

I have to tell the little girl inside me that it's not her fault.  She didn't do anything wrong.  She deserves to be happy.

My first instinct after a fight with anyone I love is to run to them, and try and mend it.  This time, I'm doing the very best I can to mend myself first.  I have to.  If I don't, then all I'm doing is what I've always done.  Nothing will change, and I'll find myself right back here again, and I don't want to come back to this place.  

I guess at this point, I'm not as mad at my mother, as I am determined to change my own perspective.  I know that our relationship will be okay.  We love each other too much for it not to be.

It's high time I become the woman I'm supposed to be.  

I know that within me is a woman, who possesses the best attributes of both her mother and her father, and some that are all hers.  She's kind, and confident.  She's real, and she doesn't pretend to be anything she's not.  She's not quick to anger, and she knows when to say no and how to say it assertively.  She loves herself first, so that she can love others to her full potential.  She adores her family and enjoys every day of her life.  She doesn't take things for granted, but she also doesn't take things too seriously.  She laughs alot.  

I'd like to be her friend and stop beating her up so much.  I'm also going to stop talking about myself in third person...it's starting to creep me out.  

In some ways, I'm already her.  In others, I have some work to do.  

I'm going to start by loving myself more.

**********************************************

I'm sorry for such a serious post the day before a holiday.  I hope you all have plans to spend this weekend kicking off summer with friends and family, and that you find peace in remembering those who have passed before us.  I wish you sunny days and ice cold drinks, and most of all lots and lots of love.  

I'm off to spend a couple days visiting my Dad's old stomping ground.  It will be a mini version of our trip last year with just me and my sister and my dad.

Happy Memorial Day!

{photo credit:  JenniPenni}