"People who are due when you said you are are NOT that big."

Friday, I went to this little fast food mexican place for lunch with my dad and Linda.  The place has been there forever, and upon entering we were greeted by the lady behind the counter, who I swear I remember from when I was a kid.  She was probably  a teenager working there then, and has obviously made a career of it.  From here on out, we'll call her "Taco Via".

While I placed my order, Taco Via stared at my belly.  While slightly awkward, this is something I've grown increasingly accustomed to in the last few weeks.  Then she asks,

Taco Via:  "When are you due?"

Me:  "November 6th."

Taco Via:  "Wow, you're really big.  That looks like it could pop any time."

Me:  "Well, sometimes it feels like it could pop."

Taco Via:  "Sometimes when I tell people they're big, they say it's cause there are twins in there."

Me:  "There's only one in here!"

Riiiiiiight.  Now, you might be thinking that was bad.  And, quite frankly, it was.  Luckily, I was in a good mood and not about to let Taco Via make me feel bad about myself. 

We went about our way, and ate our lunch.  At some point, I got up to get a refill on my drink.  Taco Via was now by the drink station doing whatever Taco Via's do between customers.  She then engages me in conversation yet again:

Taco Via:  "So, is this your first?"

Me:  "Yes."

Taco Via:  "Cause people who are due when you said you are are NOT that big."

Me:  "Well, we're all different!"....awkwardly smiling and thinking, is anyone else catching this?!?

Taco Via:  "Sometimes if it's their second or third baby they might be, cause they haven't lost all the weight from the first one."

Me: "....., yeah?"

And then, I honestly can't remember if anything else was said.  I looked up at a woman sitting in a booth nearby who's eyes were the size of saucers.  She quickly looked away, and I made my way back to our table.  My dad immediately told me not to pay any attention to her, that she's crazy. 

By the grace of God, I was in just the right mood that afternoon, that I didn't feel hurt by any of this.  I mean, really, it was so absurd that I could only laugh.  It was as though she was reading straight out of the "What Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman Handbook".  I'm not sure you could have scripted it to be worse.

That being said, dad, Linda and I had fun coming up with all the things I could have said in response.

For instance:

"Oh, and how far along are you?"

or

 "How many babies have you had, cause I can tell you haven't lost all the weight yourself"  {Taco Via is not a lean woman.}

or

{while smiling nicely} "You're so lucky I'm not kicking your ass right now."

I think the only thing that could have made it worse is if she'd tried to go in for a belly feel.  That is probably where I would have lost it.

What would you have said to Taco Via?